Why is that lady soo nervous? #3

Hello, thanks for joining me again!

This week I’ve shared three things related to conversations. Problems I’ve been having from being on the Autism Spectrum. I hope you’ve learned a thing or two that helps you connect with someone.

The three part series has been:

Theory of Mind
Taking Words Literally
Knowing my ‘Place’ or ‘Role’

I’ve talked about each one in a separate post, so if you’d like a recap of the first two, just click the links above.

The last thing I want to talk about is Knowing my ‘Role’.

For me certainly, I don’t know my place in society or who I’m expected to be in every day interactions.
My sense of identity comes from things I’ve done. Real, physical, tangible things.

My speech is usually based on what I want to know, and what I think the other person wants me to know.

Chit chat, complaining and passing the time seems a waste of time historically. I mostly interact to gather information.

One thing that helps me to relax and chew the fat is to know my place, or have a designated role.

If i’m nervous, I may be feeling lost.

One example of how knowing my role helped was the first time I met my sister’s boyfriend.

That day I had been oscillating between not knowing what to say, being excited about my future and feeling out of place.

Then her boyfriend came over. As soon as she introduced me to him, within about five seconds a bunch of things ran through my head.

She’s family.
She expects me to be nice.
She wants me to get to know him.
She wants my approval.
Get a quick intro then I’m expected to leave.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt settled. I knew my place.

Within that space I was easily interested in him. I could look him full in the face without being uncomfortable. All these obliguary questions came up. So I asked them.

What do you do? What do you like about that?
You’ve got kids is that right? How old are they?
How did you two meet?

Yes I know, too many questions. That’s something i’ve got to work on!

It was a quick conversation where hopefully – I looked normal. It certainly felt quite easy.

So I got to know him a little, said ‘I’ll let you guys be, it was nice meeting you’. Then I left. Job done.

How old do you think I was? I was thirty-one.

Other times that I have this settled feeling is having a clear designated role at work. Specific instructions help me know what is expected of me. Leaving it up to chance and expecting me to know what to do without direct instructions is not an ideal situation for either of us.

I also like being in front of a room, on stage. My role in these moments is to share information. Let you guys know something, or think something that you can take away. Maybe you’ll be able to explain the Autism Spectrum a bit to others.

I hope sharing the three posts ‘Why is that lady soo nervous’ has helped you understand someone on the Autism Spectrum a bit better.

If you don’t relate to all of my examples, just know that the feelings of confusion and nervousness are probebly not about you.

We just have a lot going on.

Your patience will be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

The comments will be open for two weeks, for you to share your experiences. You could share being on the spectrum, or even better – how reading these posts has helped you connect in some way.

Why is that lady soo nervous?