This morning my bedroom was messy. It had been for a few days.
I was really unmotivated, and a bit overwhelmed by three important things to do today.
I ended up looking at photos of my old unit. Just sitting and smoking at my outdoor table and chairs.
Seeing the images of my old house messy and tidy was a good visual reminder of what my current messy bedroom could look like. How I may feel once its clean.
Still, I engaged myself with old notes about insights I’ve had over the years, looking for blog post ideas. It struck me that I always clean my house in the end. I always pick myself up. This is the second reminder in two weeks, about rebuilding my life.
The first time was when writing my new book “Elusive Identity”. A theme on it is recreating my identity when I have lost it. I noted that I know that if I ever lose my sense of self again, I know that I can always rebuild one. This is something that I’ve done a number of times.
One path to rebuilding my identity is reconnecting with my values.
Years ago I identified values associated with my goals. For example, the cleaning end result is feeling peaceful and at home. Since these are things I value highly, sometimes they could motivate me. Sometimes depression would get in the way.
On the path to learning to keep to a daily schedule, I acknowledged my high expectations, and compared them to how committed I was to completing daily tasks.
I realised after many attempts of daily to do lists, that I can’t expect myself to do everything on my schedule, every day. I stripped away my expectations. Just took a few metaphorical steps back, and created tiny, achievable goals.
Since I had lived in shame about not working, and being messy already, I figured that shame of tiny goals was something I could get through.
Get through it I did. Again and again.
I rarely look at my morning schedule now, but always do at least half the things on it. I’m glad I took pressure off myself, and kept committing to my schedule.
Combined with my productivity this year, my sense of identity is here, along with a quiet confidence. Confidence in my ability to rebuild my life, and recommit to my daily schedule.
I cleaned my room, and now I’m feeling peaceful and at home. For now at least.
If you’d like to read more about how I’ve recreated my sense of self, buy Elusive Identity on Kindle.