Are you a male and are now scared of doing anything wrong?

Welcome to the club.

Women have felt that way for centuries.

⚠ Look for reluctance.

Feature image: Flowers and messages were laid at the site where the woman’s body was found.(ABC News: James Oaten) 17th January 2019

“Bundoora murder victim Aiia Maasarwe was talking to sister on phone when she was attacked”

Let me repeat that – she was video-chatting on FaceTime with her sister.

Image: Friends and family of murdered Melbourne woman Eurydice Dixon will hold a private funeral for her today. Thousands of people attended candlelight vigils across the country to pay tribute to the 22-year-old, whose death sparked debate about the safety of women.

I have learned over my 36 years, that through centuries – literally hundreds and thousands of years – women have tried to be listened to and acknowledged.

Always men have dismissed our boundaries, our feelings, and our rights. You have done it so often that you never noticed it. Until now.

You feel timid, unsure of the reactions to your words and actions?

Welcome to the club.

You know the saying “Men are afraid of being humiliated, while women are scared of being fired, raped and killed?”

Maybe now we can change it to “Men are afraid of being fired and arrested, while women are afraid of being fired, raped and killed.”

What is the difference? Consequences – not feelings.

Doll House

One of the first things I remember about feminism (equal rights for females) was an Henrik Ibsen play called “Doll House”.

I learned through that play that men ignore / dismiss women’s feelings even while you are married and being told that you are loved.


A Doll’s House followed in 1879. This play is a scathing criticism of the marital roles accepted by men and women which characterized Ibsen’s society.

It seems straight forward to me:

Don’t gaze up and down a woman’s body and don’t assign her an approval rating like “The Girl Watchers“.

Your “harmless” sexist jokes and behaviours, shared with mates keeps around this culture where women aren’t safe. Anywhere. Even while video-chatting on their phone.

As Hannah Gadsby said in 2018

“They have a line for the locker room, a line for when their wives, mothers, sisters and daughters are watching, another line for when they’re drunk and fratting, another line for non-disclosure, a line for friends and a line for foes“.

Things To Do (TTD)

If you have a social media account, please don’t allow in-humane/ objectifying comments on your social media accounts.

Don’t hug or put your arm around a woman unless she is your girlfriend. Honestly, would you do this to your male boss?

If a woman initiates affection it definitely does not mean she wants sex/ a root. She may just want affection, someone caring to touch her, or literally someone to hold her hand.

⚠ Look for reluctance.

If you repeatedly caress her and she holds your hand still or moves your hand away to a non or lesser sexual zone – don’t pursue or insist in sex with her. You will only produce reluctant sex (without consent) – not enthusiastic consent. Date rape in other words.

As a woman, we are expected to be gentle, caring, and kind, but are not given that opportunity from males.

As a woman I am scared of being raped and murdered every time I leave the house.


Here’s what’s behind “You need to work faster”

What Happened When A Man Signed Work Emails Using A Female Name For A Week


Here’s what’s behind “Everyone likes to be looked at”

The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds

Episode 194: The Girl Watchers

⚠ Look for reluctance.


Here’s what’s behind “You don’t want to talk?”
You think the girl watching culture doesn’t exist any more? Take a walk in a woman’s shoes.

RT @BeautYconSazon: @monaeltahawy

10 Hours of walking in New York City as a woman This harassment is a daily occurrence for women. Imagine this hour upon hour, day upon day, year after year.

This harassment is a daily occurrence for women.
Imagine this day upon day, month after month, year after year.

⚠ Look for reluctance.

Why we “need” to look good for work

On society’s unrealistic expectations of how women should look.
Also on the way women are treated in media organisations.

⚠ Look for reluctance.

If this multi media doesn’t send chills down your spine, there’s something wrong with you.

This is why we still need feminism.

You’re worried about getting fired? Tough f-ing luck. You should have listened to centuries of women.

If you or someone you know
is impacted by sexual assault
or family violence, call 1800RESPECT
on 1800 737 732
or visit
In an emergency, call 000.