Mirror work and acknowledging my self

Note: This was originally a twitter thread from yesterday, 20th Febuary 2021. It’s already probably lost from view to anyone who glances at my profile.

This morning I was looking in a mirror, when my emotions started getting out of control. It took a bit, but I thought maybe I should see what’s happening on the outside.
Was awful. Hard to watch. Felt sorry for this person.

Kept looking back into it though, after times when I couldn’t stand it and looked down. Had to let my mind settle as much as it could.
Not forcing myself to look back into the mirror, but out of my comfort zone. (Big difference btw for you self development folks)

There were bits where my face was blank – either while processing, a wave of emotion passed, or masking the struggle – because god forbid I do something even in private that would shame or freak another person out.

I let those times of blank face be. Nothing wrong there. Perfectly understandable.

At some point, it dawned on me that I was acknowledging myself. First reaction was ‘I thought I was!’. Then ‘Now someone can acknowlege me, apart from random conversations.
I know about neuroplasticity and looking into a mirror and seeing what is there can help with things.

It’s been bothering me that in my efforts to self soothe, I’m dismissing the pain.
I feel sorry for my direct neighbour, having to hear my verbal outbursts of of “No! no no no.” Then “shush shush shush. Animal sound. Quiet!”
Then being ‘reasonable’ “It’s OK’ you’ll be fine”

I’m not feeling all too comfortable right this moment, got some fear tingling my skin, but I do know that I will be fine today. I always pick myself up.

Just want to share about it. A cool mirror work thing I’ve found. Hopefully it will help me more, and maybe you if needed.

Something else I’m trying right now is carrying my Snowy’s teddy bear around. Raised to my counsellor that at 16(?) I did that. Stopped after an outing at Fortitude Valley.
She said it’s ok for an adult to do that, if that’s what I need to do now. That was weird to hear.

Felt weird the first few times I tried it this year. Moments of nice. Right now, this morning, it just feels nice to have my teddy bear, smushed under my arm.

This is 2 examples of always learning – in my twitter bio. Trying out mirror work & carrying a teddy bear as an adult.