Personal Update: Writing (blocks) Jan 2022

I’ve just gone through some very old drafts of unpublished blog posts. See if I can find inspiration to write something publicly. Anything.

I’ve been writing docs to simply process. Allow my feelings to be. Give words and phrases to them. Without people to talk to (and who can listen) I need some more ways to move through emotional states.

I’d really like to publish some writing in 2022.

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One thing that just caught me – looking back at my unpublished drafts – is that in 2017, I had a goal of writing 200 words a day. Right now, my unwanted expectation is to write about 700 words each session.

So that’s one block.

I also had blue-tacked the word ‘Trusting’ and an intention somewhere. Probably near the computer or in my bedroom. Funny. ‘Trusting’. I need certain people to trust me. That my journey does not look like theirs. My ‘normal’ and peaks and troughs aren’t a concern now. My god have I come a long way since I learned about Trauma – for example – in 2020 or so. Who knows. The Marches, Hannah Gadsby’s comedy show.

I keep writing this I realise. Again. “My new ‘normal’. It’s ok guys. I’m ok. And some things aren’t working.”

Life is messy, yeah.

Coming up in Jan 2022 is private session with Royal Commission for Neglect and Abuse of People with Disabilities.

Don’t @ me about the Royal Commission wording. See their intentions. Please. My intentions. I’m really strict about the words I choose. I’ve had to learn to sometimes purely listen for what the person means to say. The intentions.

To prepare for the private session, I have to gather things I’ve emailed to my advocate and the Royal Commission people, previously written, and add stuff, then edit the document. Really overwhelming.

A few other writing things that are playing on my mind:

  • To write what I saw of a possible support worker inappropriately ‘supporting’ a client to enter a hospital emergency ward. She (?) had/has a potential eating disorder. The red flags, that can and probably are missed by any and all hospital staff that saw them. Or if they saw them, well, it’s not their place/ these things happen/ you can’t help everyone/ way too overwhelmed already etc. I did contact a rape and crisis centre, but without a written account by a witness, and even with it, nothing will probably change. It seems no one gets fired any more, for any reason.
  • A criminology case I am working on. Railway worker, early 80s. QLD/ Gemfields. Townsville – Rockhampton too.
  • Keep working on my Goals. Find them around my house. Search through my filing. My computer, phone, emails, messages, and backup documents. Broken down from the exasperatedly vague for the NDIS while also referencing line items I need special permission and forms to bill for.
  • Heaps of blog posts or junior journalism pieces. Heaps of index cards and partly researched, bookmarked and partially written info.
  • Apply for a writers mentorship this year, again. Just focus on one book.
  • Observe and add my ears and words to public discourses re: dealing with ongoing Coronavirus stuff.

To go back to what I wrote at the start of this blog post, somehow lower my word-count expectations.

So, I am going to set this to publish tomorrow, Friday. I don’t want to get finicky about editing and making sure to include everything I feel I should.

I just want to publish some writing.

See you on the other side.

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Please get in touch. I’m quite lonely at times.