First hour of the day

It looks gross. The first hour of my day.

Blowing my nose, using cotton bud sticks, trying to clear my sinuses.

Can I breathe ok?

Have I woken up… um… yeah, nah, leave that for medical convos.

Digestion system issues this morning?

Do I have energy to… pick a task, any task?

Either way – get some liquid, transfer box fans, adjust curtains, sit down.

(Shall I repeat why I don’t go downstairs? Disrepair. Feet hurt. Breathing bad. Hip and back problems. Exaustion. Plus exaustion. Add a bucket more exaustion. Now stumble home.)

Dentist the other week. Tooth capped, nothing pulled that day. (Fun rule – Have to phone to make follow up appointment. Can’t do it there, after appointment.)

((After the way I was laughed at and treated like a hostile event and nuicence? That will take energy.

I don’t know where the pre-robodebt social workers are gone, but they weren’t in that office. Mentors for public service staff – heard that around the traps. Verbal memory.

I hope so. There is a lot of info out there. Peer to peer guides. Public policy/ department reviews and recommendations. For workplaces to learn from and utilise. Dare I say it, royal commission recomendations. Institutional memory with all its experiences, good and bad. A lot of guides. Oh, soo many guides.

I don’t know – am I supposed to print some and carry them around? with everything else? Try my best with each person – even when I’m stuttering real bad and/or gone mute? Hope like hell I get someone amenable to outside information?

Yeah? Maybe.

Makes me think of when Cert IV in Training and Assessment was introduced. I still aint done it. Really, really want to. Too much health and ndis and housing bullcrap.

Didn’t think we’d go from community and workplace workshops to a distrust and rejection of these amazing guides.

I don’t know how to segway. Um, the dentist, yeah, so the dentist.

Gave me tiny needle injection of … that stuff that numbs the area.

Could feel under each eye an almost-solid mass.

So yeah. My mornings? Messy, gross… and loud and distressing at times.

You wouldn’t want to be here. Or one of my neighbours. I feel sorry for them all.